Ay, Caramba!

There’s only one word for what happened on Friday night: sacrilegio. Cubans are passionate people, and you’ll often hear them use this word in a moment of shock.  Anything that goes against their grain is on par with an act against God.   Like a hurricane alert cutting in to your telenovela.  Or leaving out the espumita in a café.  In this case, we’re talking about the food that’s trying to pass as Cuban at the new La Bodeguita del Medio in Kensington.

When I told my mother I was going to the restaurant, she responded with a flurry of stories about the original La Bodeguita del Medio (pictured) in her native Havana.  “Let me know how the platanitos are,” she told me.

Platanitos*?  What platanitos?  No platanitos at La Bodeguita del Medio.  No arroz con frijoles, either.  Or palomilla.  Or tostones.  Or media noche.  Or anything remotely resembling that which I happily grew up on in Miami, really the only place for Cuban food outside Cuba, although New Jersey may try to argue.  Studying the menu (the service was so slow we had a full half hour to do this), I grew from perplexed to downright annoyed.  Quesadillas?  Do you think we’re Mexican?  Nothing against Mexicans – their cuisine is one of the most vibrant and satisfying around, the best of which is actually found in California.  But Cuban it’s not.  And tapas?  Wrong again, amigo. No problem with tapas, either, not at all!  Just not when I want a big plate like my grandmother made.  And what’s this here poached pears?  You must be joking.  Where’s my flan?  The pudín de pan?  My natilla!

There were four of us, and I decided to share some tapas with Tiffany.  After about an hour, enormous plates with tiny food on them came out; and I nearly passed out.  Popcorn strewn on ceviche.  I’m not kidding. Popcorn.  As in Orville Redenbacher.  Empanadas with guacamole (I see we’re back in Mexico now), mini omelettes arranged like Stonehenge.

Okay, let me tell you how it is.  Cubans love food and cooking, but the art in Cuban cuisine is in the taste, not the plating.  We want masses of rice and beans and a steak on top, juices dripping from it.  We want fried plantains heaped in a mound and placed in the centre of the table for everyone to share.  We want a basket of pan Cubano, toasted in a press until little bubbles form on top.  Avocado with onion slivers, olive oil and vinegar. 

The right Cuban restaurant would be a comfy diner with generous portions and a respect for simplicity.  Stop it with the gourmet!  Enough of the fusion!  Cubans reserve pomp and circumstance for weddings, funerals and a joie de vivre to make the French jealous.  What this city needs is an honest, unfussy Cuban joint, unpretentious in a mi casa, su casa sort of way.  The original La Bodeguita del Medio was just that – a corner store in the middle of the road where you’d stock up on staples like rice, beans, plantains, cascos de guayaba, mango and mamey.  It later became the home away from home for dishes like puerco asado, ropa vieja and plenty of freshly-caught mariscos.  Nada mas y nada menos.  La Bodeguita del Medio is sacred.  If you’re going to take the name, you had better revere it.

*Cuban 101

Platanitos (plah-tah-nee-toes):  very ripe plantains cut on the diagonal and fried until caramel in colour.

Arroz con frijoles: (ah-ros kohn free-hole-less): rice with black-bean soup spooned on top.  Variation: Moros y Cristianos (more-ohs ee krees-tee-ah-nos) meaning Moors and Christians, or beans and rice cooked together.

Palomilla (pahl-oh-mee-yah): very thin steak large enough to blanket your plate.

Tostones (toes-ton-ehs): Green plantains, squashed with a tostonera, twice fried and seasoned with salt.  Often drizzled with mojo (moe-hoe), a garlicky sour-orange seasoning.

Media noche (meh-dee-ah noe-chay) Meaning “midnight”- a traditional sandwich of pork, ham, cheese, pickles and mustard on sweet toasted bread eaten at any time of the day.

Flan (flahn): milk-and-egg dessert made upside down in a caramelized mold.  My aunt always has one of these waiting for me when I visit Miami.

Pudín de pan (poo-deen deh pan):  the Cuban version of bread-and-butter pudding.

Natilla (nah-tee-yah): vanilla pudding, but creamier and dusted with cinnamon.  Sometimes presented in a bowl lined with lady fingers.

Pan Cubano (pan coo-ban-oh): a very long white loaf with no nutritional value whatsover.  Often found sanwiched around palomilla (see above), tomato slices, onions and shoestring potatoes.

Puerco asado (poo-er-co ah-sad-oh) pork, often roasted whole.  With more garlic mojo.

Ropa vieja (rope-ah vee-ay-ha) literally “old clothes.”  Shredded beef stew served on white rice.

Mariscos (mah-rees-cohs): seafood grilled, stewed, breaded or fried.

La Bodeguita del Medio is at 47 Kensington Court, W8 5DA.  But not for this Cuban.

Comments

[Krista]

Oh no! What a bummer! I guess I am not so sad that I missed it? I hear there's another Cuban place in Farringdon...

[Jennifer - Eat Drink Talk]

What? No mention of picadillo? :)

I still dream of the massive plate of picadillo covered with fried plantains that I scoffed at Zafra, my favourite little Cuban place in Hoboken, NJ

http://www.hobokeni.com/zafra.asp

I think the solution to avoiding future Orville Redenbacher moments is that we all come to tu casa for dinner! I'll wait for my invite (with cooking class to follow of course) x

[Jess]

And I just heard about another one near the Old Vic, Krista. Another mission, after the bagels?
Ah yes, Jennifer. Picadillo (pee-cah-dee-yo): seasoned mince, often containing olives (yum) and raisins (yuk), served over rice. Sometimes featuring a fried egg on top. Very typical. Still want me to teach that class?

[Ben Bush]

You can sign me up too. I am drooling after reading your definitions, although you'll have to forgive some healthy British scepticism when it comes to Pudín de pan. Sounds a little too good to be true, pun-wise...

[Jan]

Hi, I love your blog! Your comments are so interesting!

I thought you or your other fans might be interested in this competition I stumbled upon at the supermarket yesterday for budding food writers.

There's even a £20,000 book contract up for grabs!
I know I can't resist it!

http://www.waitrose.com/food_drink/wfi/foodpeople/writersandcritics/0701034.asp

[Colin]

There is an unpretentious Cuban cafe in Elephant and Castle shopping centre if you can bear to leave Kensington ;-)

[Norah]

No Palomilla on the menu? I'd have walked out.

[merkin]

Colin, are you sure you're not talking about the Colombian one?
http://www.labodeguita.co.uk

[Harry]

Popcorn on ceviche is normal in Ecuador (and for all I know, other parts of the Andes). So while it may not be Cuban, it's not something just invented by that restaurant, either.

[Alden]

Great post. Makes me remember some good times in Havana and also makes me really hungry even though I just ate. I shouldn't be reading your blog at lunch time!

[Lesley Perez]

picadillo: "olives (yum) and raisins (yuck)"? Noo! the contrast is what makes it. tangy sour and soft and sweet. yum. i once brough my dad's picadillo to school when i was about 13 only to be made fun of by my other cuban friend bc it had olives and raisins in it. his mom didnt make it that way... go figure!

if you ever want to open up this mi casa es su casa joint in London, let me know! i'm in!

[Jess]

I'm so excited by all your comments. And thanks for the link, Jan.
So, who wants to invest in my restaurante?

[acme]

If you talking about the tiny cafe located on the second floor in the center of Elephant and Castle centre I believe it serves mostly Portuguese food; it's very good.

[JRob]

Don't even think about trying to share a flan with my girl Ripe London! (Headed to Miami in April to get a fix.)

[ede]

Popcorn and ceviche?! I was served that for breakfast once in Ecuador ... it didn't get finished!

[Christine]

wow!!! i could not have said that better myself! as a fellow miami girl in london, i too get all my fixes of cuban food when i go home.

i'm not so great in the cooking department but i do have my grandmother's original cuban cookbook by Nitza Villapol and Martha Martinez. except i have yet to find a place that sells cuban crackers (would die for sopa de platano) or cuban bread (to dunk in my cafe con leche)! if you have discovered any shops/markets where i could score some cuban products, i'd be forever grateful!

and please let me know if you do go for the tu casa, mi casa idea - i'll be a regular!

[jess]

Bienvenida, Christine! Cocina Criolla is truly the bible of Cuban cooking. Sadly, galletas and pan cubano are nowhere in sight over here. Will keep you posted!

[oinotna]

Hi, friends.
I found your blog while searching the web for Cuban crackers in Southern England. My supplies from the last trip to Atlanta ran out today :-( These are important to me at times when I recall my childhood days in Havana (crackers with cream cheese dunked in milky coffe). Despite the bad news, I'll keep looking. I happen to be the only Cuban in my family (my daughters try very hard, but they are only half Cuban). However, this year we had a Cuban Christmas eve dinner, complete with lechon asado, marinated in Seville oranges, platanitos, arroz con frijoles negros and yuca. All the locals that came to our house loved it! But I still missed those crackers. Next year for Christmas I'll build a China box in the garden, and will do the roast properly.
Cheers,
Antonio.

[Jess]

A very colourful comment, Antonio, thanks! I'm coming over.

[Andres LLarena]

Hola,
I found the site while searching for a Cuban Cracker recipe. I just got back from visiting Papi in Los Angeles and I always briing home crackers back to Oregon where I live. I had the thought of making my own so I did the search and ended up here.....Great topic but I have to say a few things.....you forgot to mention that the beef that is used for Ropa Vieja, is flank steak or also known as falda. :-)

Also, Miami is great for Cuban food but Los Angeles is not too shabby either! Try El Timbiriche next time your in L.A, the only other place to get great Cuban food would be at Mom's house!
Andy

[Jess]

Hola, Andy. Muchas gracias por la visita. Oh, how I would love some galletas con mantequilla on this wintry morning. I love how the butter melts into the cafe con leche. Mmm. Let me know if you find out how to make the crackers.

[danny johnson]

hi there,
my wife is also cuban and from key west, she has trouble finding cuban ingeditants, any ideas where to get cuban sensoning from?.

[Jess]

Actually yes, Danny. I spotted a Cuban sazón at the Spice Shop in Blenheim Crescent, Notting Hill. However I can't vouch for it. Let me know how you go and thanks for visiting.

[Antonio]

My dear long suffering friends, I think that trying to get those Cuban crackers in Southern England is a lost cause. The only solution is to make them ourselves. Consider two approaches: an easy one and a better one. The easiest way to make a near equivalent is to buy a package of ciabatta bread mix from a supermarket and make the dough following the instructions there. Then roll it out to the thickness of a 10p coin, cut them to shape with a glass or biscuit cutter, and make sure you make many holes to end up with crackers and not tennis balls. Then bake in a fairly cold oven (not more than 140 C) for 60 to 90 minutes on a non-stick surface. The better way is to make Cuban bread the usual way (using non-vegetable lard: this is of fundamental importance, it only costs 50p) and save some of the dough to make the crackers as explained above. Here is a link to making Cuban bread: http://www.tasteofcuba.com/pancubano.html Good luck. Write to me if you need more help with the crackers (oinotna999@gmail.com) . I know how hard it is to live without those Cuban crackers.
Antonio

[Jess]

Gracias, Antonio. Now that's what I call perseverance, although how do you explain the many different flavours of galleta, even in Miami? I personally favoured the Bingo brand, spread with mantequilla and dipped in cafe con leche, of course.